This is a real horror. I cannot do anything, I cannot think, I just want THIS to leave me. The feeling of being vulnerable, of being completely alone… no, not alone, lonely, abandoned, so much that I feel I want to die. This has been always with me and I tried to kill it in many different ways.

This is a pain in the stomach, taking all my energy, even my hands cannot type properly. I want somebody to be here with me, to attend me, calm my pain, calm me down, take it back from me. I need love to heal me.

But there is nobody around me. I do not know what to do, there is no cure. I was not choosing the proper people, because right now all of them left me or I had to leave them. This makes me so sad, that I do not know what to do with myself. I only want to forget this feeling. Forget all the evil which happened to me. Make me free…